Old post resurrection - Who do you need to forgive?

Thanks Sandra Tyler for giving us an opportunity to resurrect an old post.

This post was part of my Question of the Day series.

So who do I need to forgive?

I thought about this a lot as there are so many instances where people have seemingly committed injustices (small or big) towards me (or so I think) or where an action towards someone else has affected me.

But reality is that what I deem to be an injustice, the other may deem to be a necessity.

So how then does forgiveness work?

I have to take a spiritual perspective on this.

Mother Teresa summed it up well; "In the end it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway".

If we take the wisdom from Mother Teresa then the only person I need to forgive is myself.

This however raises several questions ....

Does this mean that by default I also take responsibility for the actions of others? That seems completely unfair and illogical.

Or does this mean that I only forgive myself for my actions and take no responsibility for others? That unfortunately leaves me with the inability to move on as I am now stuck with an action I cannot forgive.

In the end, my only recourse to forgiving myself for my own misdeeds and for the misdeeds of others was to understand that forgiving does not mean that I overlook or dismiss the action (whether it be mine or someone else's).

To forgive myself for an act I have committed also means that I take responsibility to not repeat that act again.

To forgive myself for an act someone else has committed towards me or for one that was committed towards another but affected me in some way, does not mean I take responsibility for the act, only the responsibility that it affected me in some way. In other words, I forgive myself for being affected. And having forgiven myself, I now have the ability to detach from that incident.

In both instances (my acts and acts of others where I am affected directly or indirectly), I take responsibility to understand that there may be a lesson in it for me and learn the lesson when I identify it. I also take responsibility to understand the reason for the action. I may not agree with the reason, but having understood the reason, I can then let it go.

Have a peaceful day

Warm Regards

Question of the Day - Romantic Chemistry or Friendship?

 


          Romantic Chemistry or Friendship?






So what makes a romantic relationship begin and what makes it last?

Romantic Chemistry will certainly start off the relationship with a bang but I don't believe that it alone will sustain the relationship over a lifetime. I think there needs to be more substance to a relationship to make it fulfilling and lasting.

Friendship may begin a relationship but I think for the relationship to progress, a degree of Romantic Chemistry is required. I cannot imagine a relationship with a friend that I have no romantic feelings for.

So I will take the middle road and conclude (for myself), that both Romantic Chemistry and Friendship are required. A friend that you enjoy being with and have a rapport with who then turns into a romantic interest would probably be an ideal person to share life with.

What do you think? Please share your thoughts.

Enjoy your day.

Warm Regards

Question of the Day - Do people have Free Will?

  Do we have free will?

   Here are my views.





I believe that in the journey of our life we have a major destiny and a multitude of  minor ones that lead us to our major destiny.

Our major and minor destinies are pre-determined and will eventually be reached but there are many pathways to each destiny point.

The choices we make during the journey will determine the road we take to those points and this is where our free will comes in. We have free will to choose the path to that destiny point.

Our gut feel or intuition signals unease if we are veering off the path and will plant the deep desire to turn towards our pre-determined destination. Often we will heed this very reliable indicator and change paths ourselves.

But the Universe also lends us a helping hand and gently points us back in the direction of our destiny when we veer off the path significantly.

An example of this has recently occurred in my life.

Having completed a big project, I was looking for a new job when an opportunity came my way. My gut feel on this was a resounding No but I choose not to heed that and accepted the job. 4 months later, the project got cancelled and the job ended. I was obviously not meant to be there as that job is not in alignment with my destiny and the Universe created a situation that now forces me off the path and hopefully onto the right one.

I will again have the free will to choose my next path but the next time I will heed that gut feel and I'm pretty sure it will set me off on the right one.

Free will was given to us so we could learn, experience and grow.  If everything was pre-determined, I don't think there would be any purpose in life. The choices we make and the journey itself  makes our life interesting, exciting, worthwhile and fulfilling.

Here are links to some related posts from my blog:  Experiences Strengthen   That Gut Feel - Is it real?

Also check out all my posts that touch on the subject of Destiny - see labels on the right.

Wish you all an interesting journey today.

Warm Regards

Question of the day - That Gut Feel ... Is It Real?

A quick answer (from my perspective) ... you bet.

Hindsight is a wonderful thing. You look back and say "I knew that". How?  That gut feel.

Each time something significant has taken place in my life (good and bad), I seem to have known. Something inside has warned me or urged me on.

I have learned over the years that I have a good gut and it speaks to me in volumes. And when I listen to it and heed its warning or grab a path that it urges me onto even though it looks incredibly impossible, good and great things have happened.

And then there are those instances when that logical analytical mind has taken over and overridden that gut feel, with disastrous consequences. I should've known better because my gut knows best.

Today's post was triggered by the book "Steering by Starlight" by Martha Beck. I love her writing style.
Haven't read the book yet (but will as soon as it arrives) - I just read a preview of the book at Amazon.com

These words resonated with me and urged me to write this post: "You and only you possess total knowledge of and capacity to create your right life. Find the still point inside you that is already guiding you towards your best destiny".

And then there is the invisible hand of the Universe that will softly nudge us on that path to our destiny, or push us off the path that would lead us astray.

I often ponder my destiny. I think I know what I am meant to do. The how, when, and where will in time, no doubt, present themselves as well. Perhaps I will share my insight in another post.

Share your thoughts.

Warm Regards


Related posts on my blog:  3 Rules of Life    Is Desire the Key to Destiny    Mind over Matter or Destiny>

Question of the day - Why is there poverty and suffering in the world?

Thinking up a question of the day is pretty tough so why break your head when someone else has already done that on your behalf.

Found some neat questions at 20 Questions for every Spiritual Seeker and will try and answer some of them each week in my Question of the day series. 

Here are some definitions to set the scene to answer the question.

Poverty - defined as a state of being extremely poor

Poor - defined as lacking sufficient money to live at a standard considered comfortable in society

Suffering - defined as the state of undergoing pain, distress, or hardship

So.... 

Why is there poverty in the world? (my views)

Based on the above definition of poverty, it exists because materialism has taken over the human race. "Status" in today's world is judged by the amount of money you make, the things you acquire and the lifestyle that you live. Human nature to keep for oneself has created a gap between those that have and those that have not. The ability to buy what one wants at any price has created a chasm between those that can afford that and those that can't.

But in taking a spiritual view, perhaps it exists because for the soul to understand and delight in the state of being rich, there must be it's opposite of poor. Duality exists everywhere  light and darkness, day and night, north and south, ebb and flow, yin and yang, even in Spirit in the form of Gods and Goddesses. To understand one, the other must exist. 

And perhaps it is those that we call poor who are actually the rich. I believe that Earth is a school for soul growth and a difficult one. To arrive on earth in a state of poverty and endure its harshness requires a richness of spirit and a greatly evolved soul (my belief).

And why is there suffering? (my views)

Suffering I believe is a state of mind. One suffers when one deems that one is (as per the definition) in pain, distress or hardship. Therefore, all may suffer or all may be free from suffering. 

I think we individually determine if we suffer. Example, in comparison to some of the richest (as in wealth) people in the world I should be suffering, but in reality I may actually suffer less than them because I am content with my current state of being whereas they may not be with theirs even though they may be infinitely wealthier than me.

And perhaps pain, distress and hardship are the accelerated pathways to soul growth.

I would be interested to read your views.

Question of the day - What is a friend?

Not an easy one to answer so the best way
(I thought) was to pull out my favourite friendship quotes.

Here they are ...




What is a friend?

A friend is an angel who picks you up when your wings forget to fly
~Unknown


I value a friend who, for me, finds time on his calendar,
But I cherish the friend who, for me, does not consult his calendar
~Robert Brault


It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson


Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is
Someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down
~ Oprah Winfrey


A friend is the one who comes in when the whole world has gone out
~ Grace Pulpit


The best kind of friend is the one you could sit on a porch with, never saying a word,
And walk away feeling that was the best conversation you've had
~Unknown


It is the friends you can call up at 4.00am that matter
~ Marlene Dietrich


and my favourite of all


A friend knows the song in my heart and sings it to me when my memory fails
~ Donna Roberts


Thank God for my many friends who fit the above.

Wish you all many true friends.

Question of the day - Do fairy tales have hidden lessons?

Here are my thoughts on this question.

Question of the day - What is love?

I love this question even though it is probably one of the hardest ones to answer.




And the best way I can answer this is through some poems that I love as they say it best

And I think this one defines it perfectly for me (see link below to the blog post)

      Love is when you truly delight in someone exactly as they are, and for no other reason.

Please share your thoughts. Thanks.


Link to post When it comes to love ...

Question of the day - What is your happiest childhood memory

 


And what makes it so special?




This is a real easy one to answer.

I was six years old when my dad bought me a puzzle book. I can't remember the book but have a vague recollection of stick figures.

Each night after dinner we would sit together and solve a page of puzzles.

Doing puzzles with him was so much fun and my dad was so kind.  He was the kindest man I ever knew.

Why is this so special?  Because this was my time with dad - just him and me. After solving a page of puzzles, I always skipped to bed, I was so happy.

I love doing puzzles and I think it's because of those puzzles I did with dad as a six year old.

Over the years and right until he died, he and I often did puzzles together. Sudoku was our favourite, still is for me.

I narrated this story at his funeral because it is special to me.

Dad, someday when we meet again, we'll do those puzzles together.


Please share your memories.

Question of the day - How does one become a living manifestation of Divinity?

Become a living manifestation of Divinity - How?




If we believe that we are spiritual beings having a human experience then we are already living manifestations of Divinity. I so believe that.

I also believe that we arrive on earth with a purpose in mind and for our soul to learn and grow.

So to live our lives with Divinity I think we only need to live from our heart. 

Anything that makes our heart joyful and benefits us and others endorses our Divinity.

Sometimes though walking away from something even though it saddens us also takes us towards our life purpose. 

So if that's not joyful how do we know it's the right thing to do?  

Again we just know in our hearts that it is the best action to take. And I also know that the Universe will keep nudging us into taking that action should we fail to do so the first time

When we live from our hearts, we remain in tune with our life purpose. And I think when we are on our life path or in tune with our life purpose, even though it may not be an easy path, our spirit lifts. 

And of course I'll only know if all of the above are true when my journey on earth ends and I "return to sender".

Please share your thoughts would love to know what you think.

Question of the day - If you had to be someone else for one day...

   Who would you be and why?

I answered this question sometime ago on my private blog so will post the same answer for you to read here.

This was a tough one to answer and I had to think about this a lot as I like being me. 

And as the grass always seem greener on the other side until you get there, being someone else even for one day is pretty scary.

But thankfully this is only a hypothetical question.

So if I had to be someone else for one day, I would be Helen Clark in her current role as the Chief of the United Nations Development Programme (UNDP).  

Why? ... because I hope someday I can work in the humanitarian aid arena - managing development aid programmes globally.

Being the chief of the UNDP would definitely be too scary and overwhelming and I have no desire nor do I aspire for that role, but to experience it for one day, would be such and awesome opportunity.

                                                         Helen Clark, Chief of the UNDP

                                                               UN Building, New York

I had the privilege of visiting in 1990 when the building was open to visitors. a big thrill to be inside.

Who would you be?  

Would love to know your answer, so please share. Thanks.

Question of the day - How do you find the strength to take the difficult path?

   Finding Strength to take the difficult path - a difficult question to answer




I tried to identify some moments in my life when I've had to take a difficult path and found there were several. But the following, I think, illustrate the different "strengths" that helped me walk the difficult path:

Emigrating to a new country

Leaving my home and moving to a new country was a daunting prospect for me. I had absolutely no idea what was in store for me. Besides which, I loved living in the country of my birth and leaving family and friends behind was an extremely sad event for me. But I believed that emigrating would provide my children with better opportunities and a less stressful life. Wanting the best for your child is such a great motivator and it gives you the strength and courage to do things you never thought you could do.

The death of my father

Letting go and allowing my father to pass away peacefully is the hardest decision I have made in my life to date. Watching him struggle in the last hours of his life was heartbreaking. I was very close to my dad and though as he grew older I silently prepared for the day when I would have to say goodbye to him, you are never really prepared. Letting him go in peace was the most loving thing I could do even though it broke my heart. Love gives you immense strength.

An ended relationship

Sad, angry, lonely and very, very scared do not begin to describe the emotions I went through when my 28 year relationship ended. I had immense support from my family and friends but I also had the faith that the end came for a reason and that things always happen for the best. Someday I know I will share life with the man of my dreams, my beautiful soulmate. Faith gives me strength to go on.

Taking a stand against bullying

Taking a stand against someone in a position of power is not an easy thing to do. But I tell myself in those events ... "we do not come to work to be abused and insulted. It is my human right to be treated with dignity and respect." Sometimes I feel the fear, sometimes I don't but in all circumstances, those words give me the courage to fight back. Courage and self respect give you great strength.

When I feel I am out of my depth

About 12 years ago I was given a huge project to manage at work. I had never managed a project of this scale and I know as I walked out of my managers office the words going through my mind were ... Oh my God, I am completely out of my depth here. But I love a challenge and an opportunity to learn and grow so rapidly was thrilling and exciting. I also had a manager who supported me, had the faith and trust in me, and above all encouraged me every step of the way. Encouragement gives you great strength. And when someone puts their faith and trust in you, you find the will and the way to never let them down.

Question of the day - Is Imagination more important than Knowledge?

Albert Einstein said:  "Imagination is more important than knowledge"
and I think he was right.



The greatest inventions over the centuries were the culmination of dreams and fantasies that visionaries dared to convert into reality, not the result of available information.

Knowledge facilitates improvement but imagination creates.

Knowledge stays within the boundaries of what we know, imagination takes you beyond the limits of the mind.

Knowledge gives you the ability to experience what is known, imagination allows you to experience anything you can dream of and desire.

Knowledge is inspiring but imagination is exciting and daring.

Knowledge is the amalgamation of thoughts and experiences of many, imagination is yours and yours alone.

PS

I wrote this post a few days ago but held of publishing it - don't know why.

And just after I published this post a few minutes ago, ... these posts showed up on my "Blogs I Follow" dashboard
 Imagination - The Invisible Counselors    Lunch With God - Imagine Big

I must be in synch with the Universe today.

Question of the day - How do you get from Chaos to being Zen?

I am going to answer this question based on my definition of Zen.

For me Zen means - to be balanced and in a peaceful and calm state

So what do I do to get back to my Zen state when chaos reigns?

C  =  change the scenery 

              If I'm in a position to change the scenery, I will remove myself from the situation.

              The best way for me to change the scenery is to take a walk. 

              Gabby Bernstein sums it up nicely as "take a fiver"

H  =  humour

              One of the most effective techniques for me is to find the humour in the situation. It changes 

              the dynamics for me completely.

              If I can't find the humour myself, I will find someone who will find it for me. I have a few friends

              and workmates who have the most amazing sense of humour. I call on them to keep me sane. 

A  =  accept the situation 

             There are times when I simply can't change the scenery. Then I accept the situation as it is.

             Someone taught me a technique many years ago to "Accept and Detach".

             Having accepted the situation I place it in front of me like an object so I can detach from it.

             Then I deal with it in the most appropriate way.

     

O  =  organise

              If the chaos is my own creation, then the best way for me to move out of it is to organise.

S  =  spiritual practice

              My spiritual practice consists of many different things.  Anything that helps me connect with
              my inner being, is a spiritual practice for me.

              Ho'oponopono is a technique that is so effective for me because it is simple, I can practice it

              anywhere and it works. I love it.

              I love listening to music and I have my special playlist that I listen to when I need to get in touch

              with myself.

              I also practice my karate. For me karate is not just a martial art and a form of exercise,
              it is a spiritual practice that brings focus, sharpens my mind, and brings me back to a state
              of balance.

to

Z  =  zzz,  sleep on it

             If it's a solution that I am seeking that is creating chaos in my mind, I will usually sleep on it.

             Doesn't work all the time but more often than not the answer will be in my head the next

             morning. It may not be a complete answer, but it provides the way to the solution.

E  =  exhale and inhale, breathe

              If chaos is starting to stress me out, then the best thing for me is to undertake Dr Hew Len's

              breathing technique. It's short and simple and it helps me to calm down.

              

N  =  new way of doing 

              Sometimes a new way of doing something helps to remove the jumble. I find this most at work

              particularly when I'm planning my projects. Rather than stressing over a plan that does not 

              work or doesn't feel right, I will look at several alternatives. Then suddenly one will stand out 

              and I can feel my heart and mind nod in synch - yes! Then chaos starts to fade.

My post on Meditation  has links to ho'oponopono and Dr Hew Len's breathing technique.

Check out Gabby Bernstein's  Take a Fiver 

Question of the day - Is Desire the key to Destiny?

Desire is defined as "a strong feeling of wanting to have something or wishing for something to happen".

I believe that true desire is more than just a want, it's something that comes from deep within your soul.

I have found that when I simply want something I will analyse whether I truly need it, examine the pros and cons, procrastinate. If the want does not materialise, I may feel it momentarily but then I can pretty much shrug my shoulders and move on with an "Oh it's not meant to be".

Desire on the other hand, seems to propel me forward, compels me to take some action, won't let go, is joyful and exciting, yet serene. When I try to move away from that desire, it just seems to come back, like a second chance, as if it is a destiny I am meant to fulfill.

I am convinced that true desire is the key to your destiny and so peace comes in knowing that what you truly desire is already yours because it is your destiny.

Question of the day - Mind over matter or Destiny?

Ever done something that you never thought you were capable of doing and then failed to do something relatively simple?

There are moments in my life where even when I felt some trepidation or where the task seemed impossible, my mind willed me forward to achieve. Mind over matter prevailed.

But if mind does prevail over matter, then how does one explain those events where seemingly simple things just don't seem to fly, plans fall apart, nothing fits together. The mind just cannot find a way to succeed.

Is destiny the quiet ally or saboteur?

I believe that when it is meant to be, destiny the ally drives the circumstances for mind to prevail over matter and when it's not meant to be, destiny the saboteur steers you away from success.

What do you believe? Please post via comments. Thanks.

Love and hugs
Suzy.

Question of the day - Who do you need to forgive?

So who do I need to forgive?

I thought about this a lot as there are so many instances where people have seemingly committed injustices (small or big) towards me (or so I think) or where an action towards someone else has affected me.

But reality is that what I deem to be an injustice, the other may deem to be a necessity.

So how then does forgiveness work?

I have to take a spiritual perspective on this.

Mother Teresa summed it up well; "In the end it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway".

If we take the wisdom from Mother Teresa then the only person I need to forgive is myself.

This however raises several questions ....

Does this mean that by default I also take responsibility for the actions of others? That seems completely unfair and illogical.

Or does this mean that I only forgive myself for my actions and take no responsibility for others? That unfortunately leaves me with the inability to move on as I am now stuck with an action I cannot forgive.

In the end, my only recourse to forgiving myself for my own misdeeds and for the misdeeds of others was to understand that forgiving does not mean that I overlook or dismiss the action (whether it be mine or someone else's).

To forgive myself for an act I have committed also means that I take responsibility to not repeat that act again.

To forgive myself for an act someone else has committed towards me or for one that was committed towards another but affected me in some way, does not mean I take responsibility for the act, only the responsibility that it affected me in some way. In other words, I forgive myself for being affected. And having forgiven myself, I now have the ability to detach from that incident.

In both instances (my acts and acts of others where I am affected directly or indirectly), I take responsibility to understand that there may be a lesson in it for me and learn the lesson when I identify it. I also take responsibility to understand the reason for the action. I may not agree with the reason, but having understood the reason, I can then let it go.

Have a peaceful day

Warm Regards
Suzy.

Question of the day - How do you overcome fear?

This is a difficult one to answer because I think the way I overcome it depends on the situation that created it.

There are times when I take calculated risks and times when you simply walk away.

So if I'm in a situation that could be life threatening and I have a choice (say bungee jumping) I think I might just walk away.

Or if my action would be harmful to someone or detrimental to myself, I know I would walk away.

"Feel the fear and do it anyway" applies to a lot of scenarios but I don't think it applies to all.

If however I choose not to walk away, then I think the only way I could overcome the fear is to not think too much of the consequences (as this could hold me back) and then

Question of the day - What inspires you?

This question has appeared twice this week so I guess I need to answer it.

So what inspires me?

-  People who succeed against all odds

-  People who make a difference (good of course)  in other people's lives

-  People who give others hope and comfort

-  "It is achievable"  are words that constantly inspire and remind me that everything is possible

What have I learned?

Sometime ago, I took part in a "30 days of me" meme which was great fun.

One of the questions I had to answer was - What have you learned in the last month?

But really I can apply it to any period of my life.