Monday, April 28, 2014

Life's Journey - (e)Xpectations

Life is like a jigsaw puzzle. Each little piece is an aspect of our journey through it. And when at last we find that last piece and fit it into place, we eventually see the meaning of this life.


UBC Day 28
The X Piece - eXpectations

Taking a few liberties with the letter X .. sound rather than the start of the word.

There are many ways to make Peace from War. One of the major contributors of "war" is eXpectations of others and one of the ways to make peace is to have none.

When we have expectations of other people and when they don't live up to that expectation then dissatisfaction sets in. Expecting things from others inevitably leads to discontent. So set expectations for yourself not for others.  But set realistic expectations and know your limits as setting outlandish expectations that simply cannot be achieved can also lead to frustration.

There are of course boundaries that we do set for ourselves and having those expectations is not only okay it is necessary. For example, foul language and smoking are not permitted in my house. I expect the kids to place their plates in the kitchen after they finish, put their clothes in the laundry basket, help me bring in the groceries, have a high level of personal hygiene, be honest, have integrity, treat people well and behave well, take responsibility for their actions etc. Remembering of course that children learn best by example!

The kind of expectations I am referring to is where we expect someone to do something for us because we think they should or we believe it is our right to expect that, or be the person we want them to be or set such high expectations that they are simply not achievable by that person.

I have heard a number of times from various people "I can't change but I expect you too". Life does not work like that. All change comes from within. If you aren't prepared to change, did you really think that I would? I have watched so many people frustrated and destroyed because their expectations of others was simply not met. Frustration and destruction has a domino effect, it starts to destroy all in its path.

And yet when you do receive, remember to receive it as a gift, honour it and be thankful. The act of honouring and thankfulness itself can be a gift returned.

When we expect something from someone or expect them to do something, we are actually expecting them to live our own life. That simply isn't going to happen. Over the last 6 years I have learned that we each come with our own destiny, our own agenda for soul learning and growth and we each have to learn it in our own way and in our own time.

Relationships are one of our greatest teachers and expectations are one of our greatest destroyers.

My happiness grows in direct proportion to my acceptance, 
and in inverse proportion to my expectations. 
~ Michael J. Fox


May your happiness grow and praying that when your time comes to make that great leap of soul learning, that it comes to you in the nicest possible way. Blessings.


The Jigsaw Pieces of my journey so far

Check out some blogs participating in the AtoZ Challenge


Written for: A to Z Challenge and The Ultimate Blogging Challenge


Drop by my facebook page Suzy's Ilation and if any of your posts needs some tlc, leave a link there and I'll drop by and give it some love.



Warm Regards
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22 comments:

  1. Hi Suzy. Popped by to check out your blog and this article had me from the beginning. Love this post! Especially the part about frustration creating a domino effect. The Michael J Fox quote is spot on. Great article. I tweeted it. This post left such a great impression that I'm all signed up to receive more goodness in the future. Kept up the great writing Suzy Que. :-)

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  2. Wonderful and heartfelt post. Echoes my thoughts on expectations perfectly.

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  3. Oh yes, dear Suzy - was nodding through your whole post today. Just a very lovely read. We can not blame others or change others- only change ourselves. I truly believe that too:-)

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  4. Expectations always lead to so much discontent and unhappiness...and yet in relationships some expectations always creep in, perhaps that too is part of being human. The wisdom perhaps lies in figuring out how not to expect something from others that we can't expect of ourselves. And change is a big one there. When I can't change my habits, my nature, my weaknesses that easily, how can I expect this of the other person?
    A very good post today, Suzy! You keep us grounded :)

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  5. Sometimes the best way is not to have any. If something good comes along its a bonus :D

    PhenoMenon
    http://throodalookingglass.com/2014/04/xyst/

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  6. Glad to read this beautiful post in the mnin, Change from within, Frustration has a domino effect and we each come from our own destiny..its so true Suzy about life and these are important thing that we tend to fail to reflect on that will make us self elevated as human beings:)

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  7. wow Suzy there is some powerful stuff wrapped up in one post!
    Expectations for yourself rather than others is powerful.
    Expectation that you *can change is powerful.
    Actually putting either of those into practice can lead to mazing things, doing both can lead to incedible things! Thanks for the reminder! Cheers, Gordon

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  8. Expectations reduce joy...it is so true. We can just be responsible for our own expectations and not expect any from the others. That's the only way to live a happy and stress-free life. Great thoughts echoed here.

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  9. As I approach my declining years, my expectations shrink. I no longer thing others will be charmed by my beauty--It's gone. I no longer think others will behave the way I want. I've learned they don't. I'm prepared to live with the disappointment. I'm the only one who I control. I hope I do the task well enough. Visiting from UBC.

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  10. I guess expectations change as life progresses, be it from oneself or from anyone. of course am not referring to the core values. This is a good post Suzy. Thank you :)

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  11. Good one . I believe in only one quote - "Dont expect things to happen just because u want them to and dont expect them not to happen just BECAUSE U dont want them to "

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  12. I sometimes think it's better not to have any...

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  13. I have found it is better to have no expectations because then...I won't be disappointed.

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  14. Completely agree with each spoken word here Suzy! Thank you for this lovely post! :)

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  15. Yes ,rightly put.We must have no expectations as that brings disappointment & misery.We must change rather than expecting others to change.

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  16. I have seen that the less you expect from others, less disappointed you are!!

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  17. I like the theme you've selected for the A to Z, and these are interesting sentiments for the letter X. I'm a big proponent of being as self-reliant as possible, but, for better or worse, human beings depend on one another. It's a beautiful thing when we learn to practice and strengthen our capacities for empathy and cooperation in all levels of relationships.

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  18. Always so wise, Suzy. I took a Landmark course once and one of the teachings was to lower Expectations from people and experiences. It has stayed with me ever since and saved me from being continually disappointed. As I age, I expect less and am content with what is. I feel sorry for those with such high expectations, expecting the world to conform to the way they want as they will always be disappointed. Controlling types try to do that and drive everyone crazy in the process. Good advice. I've enjoyed your posts as always, Suzy!

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  19. yep.. you are so right!! Unrealistic expectations lead to heart break!
    but then.. sometimes, one can't help but expect from our loved ones. :-/

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  20. Sometimes the only way forward is to let go of those expectations. Less pressure equals less unhappiness.

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  21. We should keep doing our karma and expect less if possible nothing. That leads to no dissapointments! Expectations and attachment leads to sorrows...

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  22. One should expect from self rather than others. No expectations is good for relationships.

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